2017 NaPoWriMo 1/30 – I was driving

2017 I was driving with my windows down when the sun’s reflection hit my eye just right.

I saw a flash of beaches and moms with their children building sand castles.

Castles as big as my heart is full. She stepped into it and took my hand.

How frightening it was to hold the hand of a monster.

My words come out like shards of glass on bare feet.

She catches them in her sleep and always knows how to keep me going.

She takes naps while i work and doesn’t mind that I sleep til 3.

Even though there’s probably better things we can be doing with my time.

She saves the world with her smile.

When the sun’s reflection hits my eye just right, I can see her walking on the beach.

I bet she builds the best sand castles, ever.

 

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This isn’t a poem.

This is a letter to you.

You landed permenantly on my heart. Your eyes I see in my sleep every night and I wish you were my lunch time conversation.

I am gone from you like a balloon. I am barely a memory and I am still waiting by the door for you.

I am still waiting for you.

 

 

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I

I guess I was poison like the man that abused her mentally.

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She

She can’t be with me.
Our hearts are candy canes and our words are married.
She calls to wake me and I call to kiss her goodnight.
We have walked this road for almost 2 years and it’s never felt more right.
We breathe the stuff love watches in movies. It wishes for a happy ending we have spoken of. Her smile is like ice cream. Her smile melts me and I can hear it through lines of no one knows it’s me. She loves me more than she even knows.

Instead she has a teacher who doesn’t know her a quarter as much as I do set her up with a guy who doesn’t know her at all and I’m asked to give god a chance?

We speak of equality and understanding like we speak of beer caps. There is always an exception and it’s written all over my chest. I hold nothing back that my heart writes because it would literally kill me. It pumps lyrics to our favorite songs at night. Songs we once couldn’t hear because they were daggers turned into flowers in her hair during that night that ended too fast. I opened myself up for gravel in my shoes. Not even a chance She’s still my everything, though she’s never been anything close.

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Wish

Let your voice linger in my throat for just a while longer.

Hold my hand from a year ago for the rest of my life.

I wish to die a moment after. A moment sooner and I wouldn’t be stricken.

This disease cures my days and you are the only one that keeps my heart open.

You keep my Heart open.

I miss you.

 

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My eyelids wake around again

We are the product of our past, a position of our family, and a maker of what we know.
Our melting hearts bleed of our hopes and we try to break free of these chains.
Only she has it in her to cast herself into me.
She can lay her arms on my chest as we watch the night’s resting eyes twist softly around our necks.
I will watch her and dream that she folds her life into mine.
Fold it into mine. I am unfolding.
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I’d rather be

alone than somebody’s secret.

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Drums

We share hearts.

She holds mine with her breath.

I sleep with hers under my pillow so I may hear the beat and dream of her passion.

Her smile is a kiss and her laughter is my world in a snow globe.

She makes me happy.

When she whispers her love for me it echoes through 4 states in my veins and warms me to my finger tips.

I miss her while we talk and her beauty extends into paint brushes across books and over paper clouds

I miss her.

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I am done.

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note

She slept with her eyes on her maker. He slept with his eyes on her. Together they wake in a bowl of questions answered only by time pouring into their ears.

Don’t let anyone make you want to be anything but you.

I asked for a change, and I would have because I wanted to.

I didn’t expect for her to be gone before noon.

The lights were off and Saturday night was filled with wires and bars.

We fit like shades on a window. We blocked out the inevitable with a little bit of falling in love.

It blocked everything out because it lasted forever.

Until it was over. I don’t blame myself, but I take all the blame.

Maybe she’ll pack her things and come knocking so we can start the answers again.

I have answers and I know I have questions.

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